It’s been a long time…

When I first started this blog, I thought I would actually keep up with it, and do my fake Cleveland version of “sex and the city.” Obviously I wrote three entries and it’s almost been a year. I have a lot on my mind lately, and since I feel more comfortable writing instead of talking, I thought it would be a great time to start trina talk again.
Well, just to update you, life is still sucky, still in Cleveland, still single, and just feeling more “blah” than ever. Miss Fabulous got rid of the crazy, settled-in-too-fast boy, and now has a very nice boyfriend. I of course, should have never even blogged about my date boy, I think I was way too much for him and never really talked to him again. I was definitely more than okay with that though! Looking back on some pictures my “ditz” took that night, he wasn’t even cute anyway!
Moving on…
A year later, life hasn’t gotten much better. I’ve recently had some primary friendships fall apart, and have never been so confused about my love life, or lack there of. I feel stuck in a city, where I feel like I don’t belong or could ever become successful, but at the same time not wanting to leave the few people here I love. Too many thoughts going through my mind, so now it’s time to get some out!
One would assume that when you establish a good friendship with someone, that it would be life long. I know at least I do. I feel like anytime I get into a group of girlfriends, something goes terribly wrong, and I am the one being ousted. It happened with my high school girlfriends who I thought would be a part of my life forever, but one of them was especially evil to me, to where I will never ever forgive her. Ever. A few years later, two years ago almost, another “best friend” betrayed me and my friends that she barely even knew. Now, all in about a month or so, I have lost three more friends. One I had only been friends with for less than two years, so whatever, but the other two have been my “friends” for almost ten years or more. I could feel the last three friendships coming to an end, but didn’t want to face the music. I always hate losing people in my life, due to whatever the circumstance may be, but getting my feelings hurt in the process, well that’s just not cool. It’s just sad that these people that I have such memories with will never be in my life again. Bitches.
Okay not a huge blog, have to get my beauty rest, but I’ll be back soon!
Xoxo
Trina

I interrupt this usually, updating-you-on-my-past-first, blog, to fast forward to some recent happenings.

Wednesday night, the night before Thanksgiving, the biggest bar night of the year, my girls and I of course hit the scene-or at least what we thought was going to be the scene.  Miss Fabulous just got a new apt in one of the cool areas for people our age, so we thought it be a good idea to have a few Christmas ales, and head down to the bars.

The first bar we walked into, you could almost hear a pin drop.  The street was empty, and we didn’t know what to do.  So without staying there for more than three minutes, we decided to try another place.  The next bar was not that much better, but better, so we stayed.  We decided to park it next to another group of people.  They ended up being really friendly and everyone was conversing.

Miss Fabulous had her eye on her boy from the first second.  Stares were exchanged for awhile, and he finally lingered over to his fate for the night. While they were chatting it up, I had found myself talking to one of his friends for most of the night.  We ended up having pretty good conversation the whole night and he got my phone number.  When I left, he said he would call soon, and to my surprise he did.

But lets get back to Miss Fab.  She ended up taking this boy back to her place, and probably giving him the best night he’s ever had.  She told me that all he kept saying is what an excellent boyfriend he would make….

Apparently, they hung out a couple days later, and he was already acting like he had been in a relationship for a little while, he took up her couch, drank her beers, and she rented a movie.  I mean really, who does that after one meeting?  Someone is muy desperado for a girlfriend. And he had only yet to really show his true desperation.  Every one of my days for the past few days, has started with a text from Miss Fab stating all the crazy texts she was getting.  He was/is acting like a “crazy woman.” He complained that she used him, and how he doesn’t want to date an insecure girl.  NEWSFLASH:sitting on a couch being a hog, does not constitute “dating.”  We all may like to think so, in fast food eating America, but no, that is not true. Oh and I won’t state the exact phrase, but when you are having sex with a girl, it is an immediate turn off to say things that you would say to a child or a dog.

So what do we do when the tables turn and the boy acts like the girl?  The girl is now running from the boy, and has made it clear that all interest is gone.  Its just a lose/lose situation on this one.

“Insecure men act like assholes, this one is crazy like a woman.”-Miss Fabulous

So now, back to me! The boy that actually calls when he says he will(I always thought it was a myth,)  actually seems like a pretty decent guy.  He took me out on a real date, ordered my dinner, and picked up the check immediately without even hesitating.  We had pretty great conversation all night, no awkward silences, but in mid convo, in walks the last two boys I’ve had crushes on.  They said hello, and sat down right behind me.  No one was in this place all night, and people finally come in, and it had to be them?

I was already in crushland on both of them when I found out they were best friends.  The one is whoa young, and I had a major attraction to him as soon as I saw him.  Everyone tried to steer me away from him because no one likes him, but I kept going.  We made out a few times and then shit hit the fan.  It was always awkward between us after that, and we never recovered.

The other one definitely pulled a fast one on me.  He made me think he was this innocent, sweet boy, and turns out he is just your everday, average, man whore.  I heard he has a “strategy” for the way he picks up women, but now I hear he has a girlfriend.  I feel bad for her and her vajayjay.  It is probably loaded with diseases due to him.  Dirty, nasty pig.  OINK!

Anyway, back from the date detour…the two boys left within ten minutes, which put me back in the comfort zone of talking too much.  We finished our dinner, and stayed for a little while longer to talk.  When I look at him, and now know some of the things he likes, I feel like he could be a little lame, but then he would talk how he likes Girl Talk, and likes to go to Edison’s.  Then he tells me he loves to cook, travel, and that he’s a little Italian. Besides already showing me he is a gentleman, he earned some points.  BUT, there’s one huge problem, he looks and acts just like my last boyfriend that fucked up my world.   Same laugh, same interest, same hair, same teeth.  It is creeping me out.  Even down to his choice of TV shows.  It reminded me of laying in the bed at night with the Slovak Douchebag, and it kind of made me sad.  I know, I know, I should be well over this nasty pig of a boy, but I seriously liked him, and he seriously fucked with me.

So now what do I do, do I blow this boy off because he brings up painful reminders, or do I see where it goes, because he actually does seem like a decent guy?  Oh, the dating life is just never easy.

-Trina

 

ahh, the teenage and “college” years

They were both scary and great at the same time.  I had lots of fun friends, an easy job, and essentially was living the good life.  I cheered(which I was terrible at,) did drill team, still played violin, and loved my model un and journalism classes.  I always had a boyfriend, some pretty terrible when I look back, and some I’m still friends with to this day.

Teenage years also bring you your first love, which mine hit hard.  I would still be with this kid today if he asked me.  We’ll call him Alejandro.  Alejandro and I met through some mutual friends, he went to a private, all boys school, and lived in a different city.  We were each others first(almost) everything.  Almost stating, we attempted to lose our virginity to each other.  It didn’t work out so well(for him-lets get that clear,) and we never attempted ever again.  I havent seen him since we were 18, and havent talked to him since our early 20s, and I’m pretty sure he hates me for no reason.

I did end up having a semi serious boyfriend for most of my senior year of high school.  I’m pretty sure he cheated on me the whole time.  He ruined my prom, and was a total selfish jackass.  But I felt bad for him for whatever reasons, and always stayed with him.  We had terrible sex, and he broke me out of my “good girl,” and corrupted me.  I never really drank and I had never smoked weed until him.  He was all into the party scene and I went along for the ride.  Most of the people at the parties had ignored me, or made fun of me for most of the time they knew me, but I let go and even became good friends with some of them.  My friends’ parties consisted of usually all girls, plus whoever we were dating at the time and their friends, and maybe tried to sneak some sips of alcohol.  It was a whole new world.

I guess there is really nothing else life changing during high school so lets move on to college.

Well I reallllly wanted to go to OU for journalism, but since that school is amazing and my sophomore year of high school, I got bad grades, I was rejected.  My original plan was to go to Toledo, and I believe my major was physical therapy or journalism.  I had an apartment all set up, but I decided to stay home and go to CSU with my best friends.  DUMBASS!  #1 on my big list of regrets.

I moved into Viking Hall aka Viking Hell at CSU in August of 02.  The first day we had to go to some stupid first day meeting for all the little freshmen in the dorms.  On my way out of my dorm, I met my neighbor, “Cheyenne.”  We instantly bonded, and now she is my best friend.  I would always leave my door open so that random ass people would come into my room, and I could meet new people.  I only talk to one person still that I met that way, but it was definitely fun.  Dorms entailed my first time getting super wasted and barfing, super wasted off southern comfort(still cannot drink it to this day,) actually not that terrible food, and one of the worst sicknesses I have ever had.

Around the time of being bored in classes and going to the beachclub every Thursday night(now its a sad pile of rubble,) I gave up going to see Alejandro in St. Louis, and started dating this dumb idiot, for serious.  We ended up dating for over three years.  I definitely tried to get out of it many a times, and that would have to be major regret #2!

After we FINALLY broke up, took me long enough, I went fucking crazy.  I worked with my friend, “Miss Fabulous,” who had also broke up with her boyfriend, of about the same time period, and we started going out. A LOT.  I really didn’t know how to be a hoe, since I had always been a pretty good girl when it came to sex and relationships, oh but Miss Fabulous taught me how….

First ever Trina Talk!

It’s been a long time coming for me to actually get this blog up and started.  Everyone always tells me I need to write a book, but I thought a blog would be much more modern and easily accesible.  I have had a rollercoaster of a life and feel I need to share it for anyone to ever fully understand me, and I can definitely write easier than I can talk.  I have lots of funny stories, and lots of sad stories through the years and can’t wait to share all the memories.  First off I need to say thank you to Amanda for getting this thing up and started. Who would have thought, that the last one of my friends to get a computer in high school, would end up being the big marketing internet guru? So thanks, Panda Jean!<3

So let me give you a little background on me.  My nickname is Trina, I’m 26, soon to be 27.  I live in Cleveland, single, and currently hating life.  I love to write, it was a passion of mine that I lost for a long time, and hopefully this blog will bring it back.  I regret many of my past decisions which you will get to read all of those stories eventually.  I’m pretty fabulous but the past few years, my unofficial depression has gotten the best of me.  I’ve never felt fully happy in my life, and have lots of doors still open that need to be closed.

I was born on October 30th, 2 weeks fashionably late of course, in Oceanside, California.  My mother was a cosmotologist and my dad was a marine.  When I was two months, my dad was transfered to North Carolina.  We lived there for about a year or so, and when my dad was out of the service, we moved to the suburbs of Augusta, Georgia to be close to my mom’s parents, Gladys and Lawerence.  Well moving to Georgia saw the demise of my parents marriage, my dad decided to be like most men and cheat on my mom, leaving us to move in with my grandparents.  Looking back, I can’t blame him that much, I just wish they would have gotten a divorce first.  I now have a terrible issue with cheaters.

I can’t say I hated living with my grandparents, I loved them. It was sad not having a “traditional” family anymore, but I knew I was loved.  My grandma spoiled me rotten, but also made me work for it.  I dusted the legs of the dining room table probably more than anything else in my life, haha.  We had a “huge” house with a huge backyard, and the two kid neighbors were my best friends.  I have now google earthed that house and if my grandparents were alive to see what it looks like now, they would probably have a heart attack at the picture.  Someone turned that house and yard into a mess!

Sadly after a couple of years, my grandpa passed away of colon cancer. I was 7 and didn’t fully understand, I just remember watching from the den through a “window” to the living room(a space you could open or close with shutters,) my grandpa getting rolled out on a gurny and that was the last time he would ever be at our house.  He was a 25 year army vet, served in world war two, and was shot twice.  I wish I could have heard his stories now when I could understand them.

Growing up in GA, I felt I had a good life.  I had a big tree to climb, lots of toys, friends, and I was extremely smart.  Not to toot my own horn and I always say I was one of the smartest kids in my school, but I was definitely THE smartest.  I scored high on every stupid standarized test they made us take, I was hardcore into astronomy, and I could almost spell better than everyone.  My friend that was a 5th grader beat me in a spelling bee, because I have a problem saying my j’s and g’s a spelled eject wrong.  yeah, seriously.  Teachers requested me to be in their class, and were always so nice to me, something I never got in Ohio.  My last year in Georgia, I also started the violin, another accomplishment to add to my geniousness.  I tried out and got into the All County Honor Orchestra.  All I really remember about that though was playing an Oh susana solo and wearing a horribly tacky, white, pouffy-sleeved blouse.

After that school year had ended(4th grade,) my mom was already living in Ohio, and I knew I was doomed at some point to move there also, but I tried to still live a semi normal life.  One night I was sleeping over my friend Kim’s house, came home, and was told to pack up what I could, and I was flying to Ohio that night to move there.  No clue. My friend Kim and her mom were still there so I gave her my goldfish, Freddie Mercury, and probably a couple of other things, exchanged hugs and that was that.  I said goodbye to who I could and never saw anyone ever again.  I took my little pink barbie suitcase for my carry on and loaded it with barbies, and packed a couple more suitcases with my clothes and whatever else I could fit, drove to Atlanta and got on a plane with my aunts friend I had never met before and was Cleveland Hopkins bound.  Life was over as I knew it.

I felt sad, because it was just me and my grandma in Georgia for awhile, and I was leaving her by herself(one of her arms was paralyzed from a stroke so obvi it was hard for her to do things alone all the time.)  I had no control over anything though, so what was I to do? The only thing I was excited about was getting to stay at my aunts house, who lived on the lake, and her daughter was my favorite cousin.

I hated ohio, anything and everything about it.  I went from having lots of friends and not having a care in the world, to not knowing anyone, living in a small apartment, and living in fear of judgement.  I would get excited when it would snow in georgia, it was nothing compared to this shit.  I LOATHE ohio winters. Anyway, lets just skip schooling in ohio up until soph year of high school.  Thats when life started to get semi good again and I had developed some “real friendships,” and people finally stopped making fun of me.

I think that’s all for this one, I’m getting tired,  and I’m sure you’re bored to tears, but we have to cover the background so you know why I’m so crazy, then we’ll get to the fun stuff, promise.

-Trina<3